{pretty, happy, and funny-but-real}
I wrote several posts this week, but somehow they never got published. So here we are again on a Thursday at Like Mother, Like Daughter (do go admire Rosie’s beautiful baby!).
The light through the trees of “our forest” (that is, the ravine behind our apartment) is pretty…
and a newly deep-cleaned and decluttered kitchen made me very, very happy…
And I, myself, am pretty funny, but my concerns are real. I actually hesitated about writing about this, since a small part of me feels like it makes me look so unprofessional– but I suppose most of the graduate school friends I have know that I have been talking about this all the time, so what else do I have to lose?
This is a floor plan of our apartment. We do not want to move (nor can we really afford to). (I spent an obsessive Victoria Day working on this on floorplanner.com). Recently, my husband has been banging around the apartment like a teenager with a growth spurt. Despite how carefully I have measured, stuff is tight and crowded around here.
We also can’t afford to give up our home office– but where (granted that there is not yet a baby in sight*) do we fit all the baby stuff? A bassinet fits right next to mama…
… but what do you do when the baby’s too big? What about changing? Etc.
(If you’ve guessed by now that this isn’t as much about planning ahead as it is about conflicted emotions over professional and maternal roles, my own mother’s publicly shared experience, conflicting role models, opposing familial views, living in a neighborhood flooded with nannies pushing $1000 strollers*, and procrastination, you are very wise.)
I suppose this is too much text and too much of a cry for help to really be a {pretty, happy, funny, real} link-along post, but I can’t really think of a better link-along for wisdom from more experienced women. I’m an only child, the baby of both extended families, and hardly knew any babies growing up. I’m so lost!
* I know this because I’ve been on Amazon looking at crib sizes.
Don’t worry! Babies are little and don’t compare yourself to $1000 stroller types- find some ‘green’ moms who thrift for financial and anti-consumerist reasons.
On a practical note- maybe go to Ikea for small space inspiration
it is all about decluttering and organization- sofas and beds can have organized bins underneath them to contain stuff- but try not to have a lot of STUFF.
And if your job is worth doing (like babysitting and clothes and a higher tax bracket doesn’t eat your salary up)- you will find a way- maybe part-time or at a different time than your husband so the baby is raised by his/her parents or maybe partly at home
See, babies are little! Cribs are not.
I met my husband in grad school in a country other than my own, so (until residency things are worked out) I have to stay in school in order to stay in the same country as my husband. Fortunately, wardrobe costs are low, our tax bracket lower, and schedules are flexible– particularly if we can work at home.
I was told by a woman academic with children that women who leave academia to be mothers “don’t want academia enough,” but some fellow grad student friends and I had coffee yesterday and decided that she didn’t know what she was talking about. They both had stay at home mothers and were horrified that anyone would say such a thing; in my family staying at home was presented as embarrassingly antiquarian (although I never wanted to be a real career woman, I always wanted to be a writer or an artist or a farmer or all of the above with lots of kids running around, so grad school in the humanities may be the most practical choice I’ve ever made).
If you find yourself taking the Ikea idea but needing other warm bodies, I will almost certainly be making a trip before I leave town at the end of the month. (Yes, I will be in Toronto in less than a week! Currently in Fredericton, which is pretty but chilly.)
I can’t wait for you to be in Toronto! I am up for an Ikea run in search of under-bed sweater storage. And breakfast.
You’ve seen my apartment. We’re quite cozy with a baby and a toddler, but you know what? It works just fine. Baby goes in the bassinet or the bed. I’m not a huge family bed person, though I did LOVE co-sleeping with James when recovering from the surgery and during his colicky phase , but many families do it successfully for the first year (or more). Also, use your vertical space. No, don’t put the baby in a hammock hanging from the ceiling, but do consider moving as much stuff onto wall shelving as possible to free up floor space. Also, you don’t need room for a full size crib, no matter what anyone tells you. A larger pac-n-play will do just fine. Or consider a “travel” crib. You live in a tourist destination, so you are entitled to use travel things for everyday use. Change the baby on the bed or the floor. Changing tables are only convenient for about the first 4 months anyway. Once the baby can roll over, the floor is the only truly safe option anyway.
Also, my friend lives in a one-bedroom apartment smaller than yours with two little ones. The oldest sleeps in , wait for it……their closet. Think about it: babies need dark, quiet, isolated places with no distractions. It works great!
What about toys, you say? Get a baby gym that folds. You’re crafty, so take this tip from Smart Martha (http://smartmartha.com/default.aspx): Get a large flannel flat sheet. Hem the edges and tread through a cord of some sort to be used as a draw string. Put all the baby toys in your huge toy bag/play mat. Put it behind T’s chair when baby isn’t playing on it. You can also easily take it into the office so baby can play while you’re working there. You will have to lose the coffee table. Replace it with nightstands next to the couch. Use nightstands with drawers so you can store the baby clothes and diapers in there. And btw, do not buy a lot of baby clothes. Seriously. Have the baby in the summer, buy 20 onesies and a sun hat and call it a wardrobe. As baby gets bigger, you will use fewer diapers and need more clothes. You’ll be fine.
I repeat: You’ll be fine.
I feel the need to express strong support for all of this. I am obviously not a mother, but I have spent my whole life around people with lots of kids, and these are the kinds of things that I know other moms would also recommend.
I am crushed, crushed that I will have to get rid of my $10 Ikea coffee table with the laminate peeling off.
Anne, you are so generous with your advice, as always. I am always so grateful when you offer some time to give me advice… on everything now from communion receiving, to wedding planning and baby-raising!
Oh, and now I’m addicted to floorplan.com! Off to follow my own advice.
I third the IKEA idea. They have a lot of really great ideas, if you have not already been there.
Babies are small. They do not need much. With Maria, we were given a lot of ‘equipment’ we did not need, which I have since sent on its way. You don’t need an exersaucer, or a huge crib, or three different kinds of bouncers…all you need is a place for the baby to sleep, and a safe place you can lay the baby when you need both hands. This can be a tiny bouncy seat. You don’t need a baby bathtub. You can use your kitchen sink when Baby is small and take him in the bath or shower with you when he’s older. Babies only need baths once a week anyway. Cosleeping works great for some people and will take care of the bed for a year or so. Changing tables are nice but not necessary. YOu could just keep all your changing supplies in a big basket and have a pad you throw over the end of your bed to lay the baby on. We have some friends who live in an apartment the size of yours who added homemade rails to the top of a dresser so it works as a changing table, plus has more storage than a changing table normally does. So…don’t panic. You can find a way to make it work if you have to. The big problem will just be convincing all your friends and relatives that you don’t need all that stuff.
Oh yes! Definitely skip the infant tub. Use the kitchen sink when baby is really little and get a $5 bath sponge pad when the sink’s too small. Yes, they get mildewy, but they’re $5. It is worth adding $5 to your monthly budget to save the space.
That was me, Emily G from My Song of Joy. Sorry, my name was a little vague.
Fortunately, I know many Emilys, but only one Emily with a Henry and Maria. I’m sure you’re too busy chasing after the newly mobile Henry to read this, but I do hope they’re doing well.
A porta-crib with storage underneath and then there is always the sofa bed option if need be. I successfully lived in a one bedroom apartment with three kiddos under 5 for a year while hubby was out to sea. Then a 12 x 50 space with my sister and baby for another year as well. That go around we built her a full size loft bed to go over the babies porta-crib and used bunks for my kids who were bigger by then.
They have no idea the size of their space is smaller than others, but they do know if their parents are absent.
It will all work out. Congratulations!
My adviser’s wife told me that she had the eldest of their four when they were living in a studio apartment, and that she had the happiest baby ever because she was always in view.
My adviser did have an office at the time, of course, so he wasn’t taking up as much space.
I have also been using floorplanner to figure out where to put baby stuff.
Thanks for posting your layout! Makes me feel like I’m not the only nervous first-timer in the world.
Oh good, that makes me feel so much less crazy! And congratulations! (Since I assume I’m the only one truly mad enough to do the planning without a baby yet in the works.)
I am also enjoying your pictures of chickens.